random conversations ending with twilight
by chet101
Summary: When passing notes, somehow we always seem to end up talking about Twilight, collaborative effort with OoOoOoO-Paris-Falls-OoOoOoO
1. Chapter 1

While sitting in a monthly meeting for our church, my cousin Diane and I wrote on her school shopping list. Previously, she had said that she didn't use pencils for her schoolwork, because she likes pens better. she went on vacation to Indiana the past month, so I had to record the progress of the meeting in my aunt's ledger. While the meeting progressed, we scribbled furiously on the piece of paper. This is a documented account of how random we are and how all our conversations pretty much end up being about twilight.

D: You scribbled in the ledger!

L: I was using a PEN to make it official, pens don't have erasers, and white out doesn't match. MISTAKES HAPPEN!! If anyone has issues with this, I will personally send Emmett out to kick their butt while Jasper makes them feel "happy" and I kill Bella and steal Edward for my self! XD bwahahaha!

D: If we put our random thoughts into a book and published it we would be millionaires you know this right?

L: Yes, but we'd have VOLUMES up to the roman numeral D!

D: Well obviously that was insinuated

M: …blonde thinking… no results found

D: Insinuated means that something is implied or hinted at-results found?

L: Ooooooooh… I got it! Big words don't like me!

D: Why does everyone say that to me? I don't feel the need to lower my vocab ALL the time. I've dumbed it down enough as it is for school

L: Nice.

D: Long story short I know BIGGER words

L: So do I. SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS! ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM!

D: No making up words that sound like I should know them from science class.

L: It's not from science, I don't even know what it means.

D: I would look it up but I don't have a dictionary

L: Nor do I

D: Like I said before MILLIONARES! And then maybe my music playing devices would last more than a year.

L: Convo theme for 2008: (random subject change speaking of music!) rockstar: live the lyrics. (sounds like something Hannah Montana would say XP)

D: I know I got the OFFICIAL bulletin in the mail-cool graphics

L: So did I XD

D: Silly rabbit trix are for kids and hungry teens

L: Hungry hungry HIPPOS!

D: Emmett says hippos taste nummy.

in the background my mom talks about the Christmas craft sale at the town hall with Santa Claus for the kids…  
L: Edward says: Santa's reindeer taste better-er!! ( I can't believe it's not butter! LOL)

D: At this point Rosalie smacks them both upside the head while Bella and Alice laugh about it

L: And Esme gets the butter and shoves it in Ed's and Em's faces. "EAT IT!"

both of us are laughing quietly as to not disrupt the meeting great now the only problem is how to drag Jasper and Carlisle into this.

after a moment of pondering, I burst out in the uncontrolled giggles  
L: Jasper comes in dressed as the Trix rabbit and Carlisle comes in dressed as Santa and they both stagger around singing at the top of their lungs: "We're hungry, hungry, hippos! We're really, really great!" THE END

D: Steph Meyer may sue us

L: It's worth it

D: Yup


	2. Chapter 2

**Ah yet another chapter in the random Twilight conversations that my cousin Diane and I have during the monthly UMW meeting, speaking of my cousin go to her fanfic profile (OoOoOoO-Paris-Falls-OoOoOoO) and check out her stories! As always reviews are appreciated, the italics are my cousin, and the regular script is me.**

_Are we going to start passing notes about vampires again?_

Oh why not?

_What to say? Which vamp to pick? You know someone should write a vamp handbook. WE should write a vamp handbook. You know I really thought that this pen would be purple._

Nope its pink! Anyways good point – here's a start: Emmett = teddy bear with teeth! Lol!

_Not just Stephenie Meyer's vampires, I mean all of them, including the sparkly ones._

I like the sparkly ones. :) Why doesn't Carlisle sparkle? Being a doctor and all, he has to go out in the sun sometime... I mean people don't just fall down on cloudy days. Must be the make-up.

_He doesn't have to go outside when it's sunny, Dr's work 12hr shifts sometimes, he could come and go when it's dark._

But see, Bella fell down the stairs during the day, and he was there, and it was sunny when she almost died by the Big Blue Box on wheels. So HOW do they do it? By wearing lots of makeup.

_Or a sweatshirt, remember Volterra in New Moon? They kept out of the sun using their cloaks._

But that would only protect them outside, what about the windows? Have you never looked at a hospital? There's like a kazillion windows there.

_True but he doesn't have to stand in the sun._

But what if the sun is shining directly on the window, there's a guy having a seizure in room 313, Carlisle is the only Dr. on staff and the curtain is stuck. What then?

_If he's the only Dr. on staff and someone is having a seizure why the hell are they looking at Carlisle?_

Cuz he's a friggin good Dr. duh!

_But shouldn't they be concentrating on the patient's vitals rather than the eye candy in front of them?_

But he's so SHINY! They cannot look away...:)

_He works in Forks! It's rainy! There are no friggin windows in that hospital! Patients recover faster if there is a pleasant setting outside, not if it's raining cats and dogs! Why would there even be windows for the sun to shine into?_

So they can see the SUN! And the fact that SOMETIME during the ordeal, the nurses will glance at the Dr. and see that he's really shiny.

_Figment of their imagination, the nurse is going crazy and should be committed._

And how often have you been distracted by shiny objects?

_That's beside the point, nurses see shiny things all the time, needles, gurneys, that little machine that goes "Ping", they are trained to not be distracted by shiny things._

But this is the person that they look up too! **(My mom who is a nurse begs to differ on the matter of nurses looking up to the doctors) **He's giving them orders!

_Which they are too busy following to be ogling!!!!!!!_

**And so concludes this month's episode of random Twilight conversations, I'd like to point out here that I gave our notes to my mom, because I knew that I was losing this argument, my mom didn't let me win and just laughed when she got to the bits about the machine that goes "Ping" and how nurses look up to doctors. So anyways review and be sure to check out OoOoOoO-Paris-Falls-OoOoOoO 's other stories!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Just because I'm on fanfic break doesn't mean I can't pass any notes, so please don't kill me**

**D is in bold**

L is regular script

_At our town's Memorial Day celebration..._

**What do you think that the Cullens would do with all of these morons that parked bass ackwards in the middle of the road?**

Well, he'd make a big pile of the cars on top of the water tower, then go steal the microphone from the chief of police, and make an announcement of the license plate number and tell them to "Please move you vehicle." That'd be funny :)

**Or he could just steal the moron's car. It looks like a Cullen car but I don't think that any of them would park quite so stupid.**

Wait. What car are you talking about? The red one with the butt sticking out? Or the black one that's parked bass ackwards?

**The black one that looks like Carlisle's. The other guy with the red car is close to knowing how to park but he's not quite there yet.**

Yeah, close but I think that he needs to go back to driver's ed.

**Me too. And while we're on the subject of cars, why did Jasper drive in Twilight? In Eclipse Edward said that he'd give Jasper his motorcycle, and that he thought it was time that Jasper found a new way to get around, which makes me think that Jasper didn't like to drive. WTF Melissa Rosenburg?**

Good point.

**I know right?**

**And do you know what else I know? That you should review, anonymous reviews accepted please share the stupid**


	4. Chapter 4

**D is bold**

L is regular script

_Debate: If the Cullens walk into a church will they burst into flames?_

Probably not, because Carlisle used to be religious and all.

**You mean how his father used to be a priest? I'm sure that there's other vampires who were religious and couldn't go into a church under penalty of death.**

But see because those people KNEW that they were vamps, I don't think that the people nowdays would know on if they saw one.

**No! Not that kind of 'under penalty of death' like some... other worldly force would smite them should they step over the barrier.**

Huh. There's only one way to find out....

**Turn Mike Newton and unleash him on the Catholics in the middle of communion?**

*Cackles evilly and rubs hands together* Yes...

**Sorry that it was so short but regardless of length you should review, anonymous reviews accepted**


	5. Chapter 5

**D**

L

**As a strawberry blond I resent the fact that Edward prefers brunettes.**

As a blond. Ditto.

**And who came up with the whole dumb blond thing anyways?**

They should be shot. They don't have brunette jokes because they don't have a attention span long enough to sit through one. Given there are some pretty stupid blonds out there, but then again, the valedictorian of the senior class is a blond. And of those in the top ten percent of our class eighty percent of those are blond. So you know what? Yeah – blond jokes are funny, but they really give us a bad name, as my friend Ashley – a brunette – said to me, "L ur not a blond. Ur a super blond!"

**It was Emmett wasn't it? It had to have been him, just another way to annoy Carlisle. Although Rose probably would have castrated him. But then again, they did break houses when they were first married, and it was only incinuated HOW they broke them... so L are you pondering what I'm pondering?**

Yes, but I think that Rosalie would probably kill me...

**Hey. Somebody has to give Emmett his physical and at this point Carlisle sure as hell isn't going to do it.**

No! I was thinking about trying to beat up Emmett for making up the stupid blond jokes...but physicals work too... :)

**Well if that's the case then wouldn't Rosalie help you?**

Possibly. Maybe Jasper and Carlisle will help. Or they'll stop me before I even get in the door, but most likely they'll help me. That'd be FUNNY.

**Emmett is SOL isn't he?**

Yup. He's doomed.

**And so are you if you don't review, anonymous reviews accepted**


	6. Chapter 6

**D**

L

**Okay I know that this is going to sound like I spend way to much time on facebook and I do so that's okay. I saw this flair the other day that said "I wanna see more of Jasper's bat skills" and I'm sure that they meant something completely different, but you have to admit that was a really cool bit in the movie.**

Yeah. I love that scene from "Vampires play baseball" - to the point where the bad guys show up and ruin all the fun.

**I know right? I think that they're giving away a baseball game with the Twilight cast somewhere. I can't remember where. On one hand I wanna win because that would be awesome. But on the other hand I didn't even enter because that would be horribly horribly embarrassing because I can't play sports, like at all. It's sad really it is.**

Me too. *Michael Jackson wears the Barney suit *

**You realize that no one reading this will know where the hell that came from right?**

That's okay, if they really want to know, they'll reply and say so.

**You heard the lady. The button is right below this and it has green letters on it. Make with the clicking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	7. Chapter 7

**D**

L

**Okay new topic: Hot Topic and their tiny ass Twilight T-shirts. I mean seriously, I went in there the other day all ready to buy a Jasper shirt, but then I picked up the biggest one that they had and was like OMFG! There's no way that tiny thing was a 2x! It wouldn't have fit my computer moniter! Which by the way is a tiny flat screen. I don't know who to be more upset with: Hot Topic for selling those shirts, Summit Entertainment for manufacturing them, or Jackson Rathbone for being so damn cute!**

Well, not Hot Topic, cuz they have skinny people shopping there and not his fault for being hot!

**But they sell Twilight shirts at Wal Mart too! And fat people like me shop there all the time! And yet I still can't fit in those shirts! Well I probably could if I really tried and sucked it in as far if would go, but I don't even want to see that I don't think that anyone else would either. Damn you Summit Entertainment and you prejudice against self proclaimed fat people! Damn you!**

**Wow that was short. And mostly me ranting. If you're against short chapters like this review, if not well still review, anonymous reviews accepted.**


	8. Chapter 8

**D**

L

**Okay. Since I'm now a shameless promoter of fanfics that I love, have you read When She Smiles by L'huere Blue (I think that's how you spell it at least) I mean I love it but geez! Some of the things that have happened to Jasper and Alice in there! It's so sad!**

Well your a Jasper supporter that's why

**Edward supporters would think that it's sad too! Part of me doesn't want to know what else is going to happen but I can't look away! I recommend that everyone read that story and its predesessor Child of the Night. Really L you should read more fanfics. There's some really great ones out there, quite a few are on my favorites list (Go find it right now!) **

**I'm kinda upset that Fatima Fire and Ice took off Back in Black, that was like my favorite fic ever! If anyone knows what she did with it TELL ME! Cause all of her stories are gone as well and I miss them! And Daddy's Little Cannibal! She was killed in a car accident a couple of weeks ago! I couldn't believe it! She was only 18!**

Awe! That really sucks!

**It really does! She was an awesome author, I can't believe that bitch that set up an account on fanfic just to bash on her stories! It was deleted by the administrators of fanficiton within a day or two though. And all the munchkins rejoiced "Ding Dong the bitch is dead! Which a bitch? The wicked bitch! Ding Dong the wicked bitch is deaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!"**

**In case there is any confusion here I AM talking about the person that set up an account to bash Daddy's Little Cannibal, seriously if you can't say it to someone's face shut the fuck up!**


	9. Chapter 9

**D**

L

_While driving in the car on the way to L's house from D's_

Do Vampires like brownies?

**Everyone likes brownies, I'm B-positive about it.**

Well not everyone. My Mommy doesn't like them. She thinks they're 'Too chocolatey'... and something about swallowing a mouthful of angleworms...

**What the hell are angleworms? That doesn't sound like Cullen food.**

They're like earthworms I guess, I don't see a difference. Regular worms like you dig up a hole because you want to see if you can't really dig a hole to China and pull up a shovel of dirty slimy crawly bug things squirming around and you're like "Hey a worm!" like what we used to carry around until they were warm and mushy when we were three. THOSE type of worms.

**I don't remember warm and mushy worms, frogs yes, but not worms. And here I thought that Edward couldn't tamper with your memories.**

Nope. That's Jasper's job...they were in it together!!!! No because you and me would always carry worms and slugs like they were our bestest buddies! And toads. We didn't master full blown frognapping until we were much older.

**Oh yeah... pity we couldn't hang out until I was two...**

True... buts that's when I started having long term memories... I don't have one memory before you come up. It's sad really.

**Awwww...**

**Actually I don't either.**

**Review or the Ed-sper tagteam will erase all of your memories...**


	10. Chapter 10

While watching the admittedly disturbing episode of Criminal Minds with Jackson Rathbone.

**D**

L

**Do you how Jackson's character only goes after tall guys with kinda short black hair, slightly tanned and built a bit like a Taylor Lautner?**

Yup...soooo...that means Jasper's raping and pillaging hotels looking for Jacob!

**Exactly. Maybe Jacob got Nessie pregnant and Edward has been sworn not to hurt him. So he enlisted Jasper, which means that Alice is at home somewhere laughing her ass off. About the man(werewolf?)-hunt for Jacob not the murdering of innocent ass faces. "Remember whatever you do to her tonight, I'm gonna do to you."**

Uh huh.

**If you saw the episode of Criminal Minds that we're talking about you'll know what I mean when I say...**

**Review or Amanda will push you off the top of a hotel.**

**If you don't find it on youtube or something and watch it now!**


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